Editor's Note : if I have the words "Coffee Blog" at the end of any blog entry title, it means you might as well get comfortable, get a cup of tea/coffee, put the kids down for a nap, turn off the phone, etc. This'll be a long one.
Now, don't get me wrong....... No, I don't have a revelation. The word revelation means :
an act of revealing or communicating divine truth; something that is revealed by God to humans. This is straight from Webster's Dictionary. I don't have that!
Okay, if you need a little background, check out my Facebook, if you don't have that, check out the blog posting from December 26th (the one before last).
Grandma has been in a Rehab facility located at an Assisted Living center in Wisconsin since last week. Generally speaking, Grandma has done very well, she is almost to her prior level of functioning! The surgeries went well (two in two days) and the incisions sites are healing nicely!
My mother and my Aunt Sandy are currently working on the next step and trying to figure out all possible resources so that Grandma doesn't have to return home. Even though the Assisted Living says that she can, she says she simply doesn't want to - she is ready for the next stage in life, whether that is in an Assisted Living or Nursing Home.
Okay, now that I have updated you on Grandma's status - let's look at "Diana's World." Remember, this is my blog and I have total control over what is written in this blog! Wow, I love this!
Back to the purpose of the blog title, "Revelation."
Ever since the moment I knew that Grandma was going to go to Rehab, my thoughts have been lead to whether or not it was time to move to Wisconsin. The timing has always been in the forefront of my mind - when is the right time? Where would we live? Would there be jobs? Could I handle the cold? Okay, that last one was totally truthful, I have to admit......... I have working in Long Term Care for almost 9 years for this very purpose - to be able to help my family through the mystery of nursing homes and the care/expectations of its purpose.
I have been studying Abraham recently. (don't you just love how I seem to jump from topic to topic?) In Genesis 12:1, it says " The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." Okay, I know, you are probably saying, "Duh, Diana, you already left, you are no longer in the land of your father's household." Bear with me, I am going somewhere with this! Look at verse 4 :
" So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran." Abram didn't question God, didn't argue, didn't wait. He simply "left." Hebrews 11:8, "
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
Then, last night, I read a story to Isabella and her Bible Class about Jonah. Here are the first two verses of Jonah :
1 The word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai:
2 "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me."
3 But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port." Hmmm, Jonah ran in the opposite direction of God's calling!
Now, remember, I have had no REVELATION! These men, as several in the Bible, had the Lord speak directly to them, with audible voice and sometimes with His very Presence!
Two of my favorites songs have lingering lyrics that make me pause each time I listen to them.
One is from a group called Downhere and the chorus sings "Here I am, Lord, send me. All of my life, I make an offering. Here I am, Lord send me. Somehow my story is a part of Your plan, Here I am." Then Third Day sings a song called Revelation (get the connection with the title of today's blog?). "Give me a revelation, Show me what to do cause I've been trying to find my way, I haven't got a clue. Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move. Give me a revelation. I've got nothing without you. I've got nothinng without you."
No, this blog has no significant solution, nor is it telling the world that I am moving to Wisconsin. Rather, this is a blog that is reflecting my train of thoughts. I know that I am not going to get a resounding voice from Heaven telling me to pack my family and move. I do know, though, that I have been on my knees in prayer so much more in these last few weeks than I have in a very long time! I know that this whole experience has given me fresh eyes to the family members I come across every day at work. And I know that my family is so very dear to me and I wish I could stake out a home in Wisconsin, Louisiana, North Carolina, Washington and here in Texas!
My heart desires to be with my parents and my Grandparents in Wisconsin, helping to lighten the load; my heart desires to be with my nephew, Keith, and his wife Blake and their little Zack and help them make the transition into parenthood; my heart desires to be in Louisiana with my sister, Michelle, to comfort her in her trials, and with my niece Nani and her husband Nick and their little Gage (can't wait to see you guys next week); my heart desires to be with my brother Patrick in Washington, and his heartbreaks and to get to know his family; my heart desires to be with my husbands family and especially Melissa who is going through a tough time, coming to terms with her son's death and her husband being in Iraq. And yet, above all, my heart desires to love my husband, raise my daughter and live a godly life that withstands life's trials and tribulations! I desire to live uprightly and proudly for my Heavenly Father!
Okay, I know that this has been a very deep, multi level thought process from me to you. But hold on, I'm not done yet........
With all that is going on right now, whether it is in my family or in our country, or in our political system, we are constantly changing. The one thing that doesn't change is the love of our Heavenly Father and His forgiving grace that gives us hope for each new day! I don't have the answers.
I'd like to say that Grandma is going to thrive in a nursing home or assisted living or in her apartment and we all need to just let her be. I'd like to say that all relationships heal and that seperation/divorce is nonexistant. I'd like to say that all children believe that every choice their parents made was the absolute best decision to be made for their lives or their children's lives, but only God makes every right decision, we simply live with the results of those decisons. I'd like to say that every heart heals from every heart break in record time and we all get back to "normal lives" in a moment's notice. I'd like to say we all have the right answers and the perfect relationships, and.............. I don't. I don't know. I don't understand anything!
Am I like Abram - will I leave in a moments notice, fulling trusting in God to lead me exactly where I am to go, not knowing where I will end up after I get started?
Am I like Jonah - freaking out and running in the opposite direction, thinking God won't find me there?
In these financially uncertain times, I am so VERY thankful that my husband and I both have jobs! I am so thankful that we have a strong relationship. I am so thankful that our daughter is as amazing as she is! I am so thankful for modern technology that keeps me in touch with my family through this time - and that we are updated to frequently! But most especially, I am so very thankful for a Heavenly Father who listens to every plea, every whisper of a prayer I can muster!
I want to know that I have cleared up all points of view on these thoughts. But I don't have any "Happily Ever After's" with this. We are still living in San Antonio, and currently don't have the means, the way, or the "revelation" to move. I believe, currently, we can be of a better financial help to our family members if we stay put and send money! We'd be getting into major debt with a major move!
May each of you be blessed and know that I love you dearly!